Your fantasies tell you what you long for

(and it’s not what you think…)

It can be quite frustrating not knowing what dream about
What your passion is
What you really long for

Am I right?

Being stuck on that feeling of emptiness 
feeling like a failure

Not fun
and it drains you of all your energy

So what to do?

In my capacity as a coach I regularly here: 
“I don’t what dream of (or long for)…!”

My reply? 
“Yes, you do”

‘Cause we all long for something
A new job
New boyfriend / girlfriend
Peace and quit
[insert what you long for]

And we often fantasize about it
Especially if we don’t like our current situation
we can spend hours daydreaming of something better

This is when you want to pay attention!

It is all about the THEME and the FEELINGS in your daydreaming

Lately I noticed a theme in my daydreaming: 
I was always important to someone
I helped and guided someone 
I always showed up for people when they needed me

Do you see the theme?
(about being someone for someone)

What feelings did I long for?
- Feeling important
- Feeling useful
- Feeling trustworthy

 Reality check & action: 

• Do I create disse feelings in my life today?
• If not, how can I create these feelings today?

Fact: 

• I have people in my life that I am important to
• I actually do help & guide people (you know, the whole coach thing…)
• I do show up for people when they need me
• … but I could show more up for myself (better food for once and more sleep)

So I allowed myself to feel
important
useful 
and trustworthy 

AND created an action step to make healthy choices
(Like: Only have healthy afternoon snack in the house)

 

You can do the same

 

But wait, Louise!
You said, I would find what I dream of and long for?

Yes, I did…
… and what you dream of is the feelings

When you dream of being a smart, tough business woman
It is the feelings you think you will have
when you accomplished it, you dream of
Feelings like poweful, strong, independent, succesful
not so much the title or the job.

I know we are raised to believe otherwise

If you succeed in becoming a smart, tough business woman
AND you didn’t experiences the feelings 
you feel like you have failed ‘cause the feelings are missing

 

If you are the one saying: 
“I don’t know what I want to do with my life”

It can be overwhelming to start looking at The Vision for your life
Not your ego project - but your soul project
(which is to different things … maybe to be viewed in another blog post in the future)

Start with what you long for
and your soul project will reveal itself to you

 

How to know what you long for

1. What do you day dream about?
2. What is the theme in your day dream?
3. What feelings do the daydreams create?
4. Do you create these feelings today?
   1. If yes, acknowledge them
   2. If not, how can you create them today?

 

Remember it is all about creating the feelings
you long for 
now - not in the future

‘Cause creating action 
creates the feeling now
and gives you the power (back) to your life

 

Let me know how you start feeling the feelings you long for

 

Love and light,

Louise Virginia

 

PS. You can of course also book a coaching session and I can guide you through the steps 😉

 

Are you longing for something else?

Let me tell you a story about struggling with where you are in life,
feeling stuck or lost
- even though, you are doing good
and is exactly where you should be according to society.

Lets call it a modern day fairytale.

Once a upon a time there was a woman named Louise
who looked like she had everything under control
but underneath felt lost
yearned to know herself and where she wanted to be.

Louise was the first in her family to get a university degree.
She was offered her first full time job even before she had finished university.
Had a nice apartment in mid-town.
Great, trustworthy friends

So everything looked good on the outside

But these questions kept showing up in her head
“Is this it? Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life?” “Why aren’t I really happy?”

At first she ignored it.

Then things started to change at work
Louise felt obliged to work more and more hours
Everybody else also worked longer and longer
The psychological work environment declined dramatically.
Louise’s experiences in life told her to keep moving forward
because actions speaks louder then words.

But one day in January her body said “STOP!”
She became ill every time she had to go to work.
Nausea, dizziness, headache, anxiety.

She knew she had a choice to make
Keep ignoring or do something about it

Like in every fairytale Louise needed something or someone to help her
As any modern woman who felt stuck and lost, Louise turned to Google
and after a little research she found the help
A book “Find your passion in 4 weeks” by Pernille Melsted.

The book felt like magic,
Diving in to the self exploratory exercises, started to give Louise an idea about
who she was and sense of direction in life.

The book helped a lot, but Louise wanted more.
So she went searching,
searching for more answers,
searching to find where her fairy godmother, Pernille, had received her training and wisdom.

The Ford Institute in San Diego founded by Debbie Ford was the answer.
Before she knew it, Louise had signed up to their transformational training programs.
She was determined to find the answer,
determined to find the real her. 

During her year long study she realized how much believes and feelings affect one’s choices in life:

“Where we are in life and what we get is always the result of our actions
Our actions are always based on our choices
Our choices are always based upon our believes and current feelings”

She also collected a wide range of tools and insights into her beliefs around herself,
how they had served and protected her in life and how they now limited her.

She had a believe around not being good enough
but also a commitment to do what was expected of her
She now knew it were these beliefs and commitments
which had collided that January day

Through training and coaching she learnt to create new, supporting believes and commitments
and of cause follow through with SMART action steps

Yes, this modern day fairy tale s my story, Louise Virginia

If you recognize yourself in this story,

Struggling with where you are in life. Feeling lost or stuck.

I offer you a short cut

Let me be your fairy godmother that gives you the tools to get clarity, inner peace and confidence
(Like Pernille Melsted and Debbie Ford was mine)
So you can unlock your old, limiting believes and commitments and create new ones
that support you in the life you desire

You don’t have to do this on your own. Let’s do it together!

Love and light,
Louise

The gift in your shitty experiences

We are all put on this earth to be a part of something.
To contribute something

Contribute to society.
Contribute to your family
Contribute to community
Irrelevant it is blood or friendship connection

Now, you are probably thinking:
What does this have to do with my shitty experiences?

Well, you see.
We've all have had experiences in our childhood
that we have defined us
- Both good and bad

We became the good girl because it gave us praise from our father
We became the unruly boy because it gave us our busy parents’ attention
We became the clever girl when someone called us stupid cause we wanted to disprove them
We became the lazy boy when someone called us stupid cause we lost the courage to be something

It is always easier to find the gift - strength - in one's experiences,
when the experience has made you stronger

For example, if you are called stupid at school
But you hear an inner voice that says "I'll disprove that"
And then you set out into the world and act accordingly. You are not stupid.

It is a little harder, when the experience has robbed you of strength

As the experiences with father calling you stupid
You overhear the inner voice that tells you that your dad is in a bad mood
which is why he can not stand the mess you have left in the hall way
You believe in your father's words and conduct yourself accordingly. You are stupid.

This is where you might think that you in the fist example learnt to own the quality clever
because you disproved you were stupid.
But no.

As long as you deep down inside think you are stupid.
You will act accordingly and (often) try to hide it
Either by study at a prestigious university or hide on your couch.

This does not mean that you did not get a gift in the experience.

In the first example you might develop qualities such as
self-discipline, hard-working and outgoing to perform

In the second example, it is likely you learned to own qualities such as
sensitive, numbness, and indifference to avoid your father's yelling and the pain that comes with it.

It may well be that you think that indifference is not a gift,
But would it not be nice if you once in a while could be indifferent?

Owning a quality means
you use it when you need it
To the degree you need
Not letting it use you.

Your contribution to society or family is made up by
how you express the qualities that you own

What experiences have defined you?
And what gifts have you been given from your experiences?
Even those who hurt you?

And yes, you can actually learn to your disowned qualities
Including indifference 😉
So your (shitty) experiences can actually become your strength

If this have sparked your interest in owned and qualities
here is 3 simple ways to find you qualities:

Disowned qualities
Look at what qualities you were taught by your parents not to express
Find out what you wouldn’t like to be called? (Like “You are … [stupid]…)
What qualities do you see in others but don’t express yourself? (You: “Me? Creative? Oh no, that is my sister)

Owned qualities
Look at what qualities your parents raised you to use (Like politeness, respect, yelling, etc.)
What are you really good at doing? Like organizing, being creative, disciplined, etc.
What qualities do you like to be praised for having? (“You are so good at …[quality]…)

Have fun finding the qualities

With the love and support,
Louise Virginia

PS. If you want help to finding your disowned qualities or the strength in your shitty experiences, send me a message at hello@louisevirginia.com to book a session

Are you cheering for yourself?

Of cause, you want to succeed in life,
but are you really cheering on yourself in all areas of your life?

I know I haven’t always
(Yes, it is okay to admit to yourself, while you are reading this. I won’t tell anybody)

There was a time
Where I didn’t feel like I deserved the things
that were coming my way.

Why would I be?

There was (of course) a logical explanation
I told myself “I am not worthy”
and of cause my experienced confirmed that belief

On the other side, there was no logical explanation for the opposite “I am worthy”
I definitely didn’t feel like my experiences supported it.

So I believed more in the first then in the second

Which one do you feel you can connect best with?
Not worthy or worthy?

I hit my lowest point of believing in the not-worthy-part on a January morning in 2013.
That day I instinctively knew
that I had to start cheering on myself.
Believe I could do my job
Believe I could find another job if I wanted to.
Support myself by making choices that led me to where I wanted to go.

The (minor…) problem?
I didn’t know where I wanted to go!

Here I was in my first job after finishing university and I was suppose to be happy!?!

I had gotten the job while writing my master.
A lot of my friends went 8 months or longer before they got a job.
I should be grateful!
But I was miserable…

So what do a lost academic do when she can’t find her drive? Her passion?
She goes to the online library and search for a book…
Search words: How to find your passion
Result = a book titled “Find your passion in 4 weeks” by Pernille Melsted (it is only in Danish)

That book became the start of looking at myself in another light
It introduced me to the world of shadows and theories about shadows
(Well, not the book in itself, but as an occupational habit of being a political scientist, I had to know what the theory was behind this book)

On a part of this journey I was coached

Through the coaching sessions I realized that I am worthy of everything that is coming into my life.
I have the power to co-create the life that I want.

So why not create it by making choices that supports it.
And cheering on you helps keep making supportive choices
- Also if it means leaving the job where I felt miserable

You might not be in the miserable job, but are you cheering yourself forward?Making choices that makes you live the life you desire?

Only you know what is your desired life
Only you can create it!
And you deserve it!