The gift in your shitty experiences

The gift in your shitty experiences

We are all put on this earth to be a part of something.
To contribute something

Contribute to society.
Contribute to your family
Contribute to community
Irrelevant it is blood or friendship connection

Now, you are probably thinking:
What does this have to do with my shitty experiences?

Well, you see.
We've all have had experiences in our childhood
that we have defined us
- Both good and bad

We became the good girl because it gave us praise from our father
We became the unruly boy because it gave us our busy parents’ attention
We became the clever girl when someone called us stupid cause we wanted to disprove them
We became the lazy boy when someone called us stupid cause we lost the courage to be something

It is always easier to find the gift - strength - in one's experiences,
when the experience has made you stronger

For example, if you are called stupid at school
But you hear an inner voice that says "I'll disprove that"
And then you set out into the world and act accordingly. You are not stupid.

It is a little harder, when the experience has robbed you of strength

As the experiences with father calling you stupid
You overhear the inner voice that tells you that your dad is in a bad mood
which is why he can not stand the mess you have left in the hall way
You believe in your father's words and conduct yourself accordingly. You are stupid.

This is where you might think that you in the fist example learnt to own the quality clever
because you disproved you were stupid.
But no.

As long as you deep down inside think you are stupid.
You will act accordingly and (often) try to hide it
Either by study at a prestigious university or hide on your couch.

This does not mean that you did not get a gift in the experience.

In the first example you might develop qualities such as
self-discipline, hard-working and outgoing to perform

In the second example, it is likely you learned to own qualities such as
sensitive, numbness, and indifference to avoid your father's yelling and the pain that comes with it.

It may well be that you think that indifference is not a gift,
But would it not be nice if you once in a while could be indifferent?

Owning a quality means
you use it when you need it
To the degree you need
Not letting it use you.

Your contribution to society or family is made up by
how you express the qualities that you own

What experiences have defined you?
And what gifts have you been given from your experiences?
Even those who hurt you?

And yes, you can actually learn to your disowned qualities
Including indifference 😉
So your (shitty) experiences can actually become your strength

If this have sparked your interest in owned and qualities
here is 3 simple ways to find you qualities:

Disowned qualities
Look at what qualities you were taught by your parents not to express
Find out what you wouldn’t like to be called? (Like “You are … [stupid]…)
What qualities do you see in others but don’t express yourself? (You: “Me? Creative? Oh no, that is my sister)

Owned qualities
Look at what qualities your parents raised you to use (Like politeness, respect, yelling, etc.)
What are you really good at doing? Like organizing, being creative, disciplined, etc.
What qualities do you like to be praised for having? (“You are so good at …[quality]…)

Have fun finding the qualities

With the love and support,
Louise Virginia

PS. If you want help to finding your disowned qualities or the strength in your shitty experiences, send me a message at to book a session

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